My Socks Are on Fire!
Towel Day and other thoughts.
Today is Towel Day. Towel day is a day to celebrate the life and works of Douglas Adams by carrying around a towel with you all day. This way people will be able to say about you "there's one hoopy frood who knows where his towel is at." I also planned to celebrate by rereading The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, but I woke up late and forgot.
My life has gotten weird recently. I've been home for about three weeks now but it isn't. I'm not sure I'm comfortable calling Lubbock home either but that is mentally my base of operations now. I guess I'm just getting older but it seems like my family and I have drifted apart somewhat. That seems like it might happen after two years of living apart. But now when I come back I feel more like a guest. Everybody had their own lives and I'm just watching and adding my skewed commentary. It seems like my mother is constantly trying to find something to do with me because she's not used to having me around.
This brings me to another thought. What do people do? Last year being on vacation seemed like such an awesome thing, I had all the free time in the world. Now I've been back for thee weeks and I need something to do. I will have something to do soon though, as I'm going to summer school. I was talking to my dad about the lack of things to do and he pointed out the last few times I've been home, I've been spending my time with Kels. As that is no longer an option and since Jacie is busy doing her own thing, I've had even less to do, so to speak. Of course I didn't really talk about my initial question. I still don't understand what people do with their time. My dad goes to work comes home, and hangs out until he goes to bed. My mom sits on her computer and reads books, my sister does something I guess, but she's usually out of the house. This may be why I'm choosing a career that could be called less than traditional.
I woke up again at 5 o'clock this morning to write. This is the second time I have woken up from a dream with a script idea on my head. Lat time it was a dinner party with lies and deception, but this one was a much more straight forward revenge story. Well it was relatively straight forward. I sometimes wonder if I have any chance in the world of playwriting if all I ever write is little four page scenes. I'm thinking about doing something along the lines of a 24 hour world deprivation thing to see if I can even write a full length play.
Because the previous post was kinda mean...
Here's a poem about a unicorn.
Look into her eyes
what do you see?
Do you see you there,
or something so different?
She is not like you,
her soul is too pure.
She is one of them,
she's a unicorn.
Do you know,
what a unicorn is?
Do you know,
where they go to play?
She knows, look into
her all knowing eyes.
She has seen them play,
and she was seen them laugh.
She is a unicorn,
far different from you.
I am with her now,
because I'm one too.
I found this when I searched for Unicorn poem on google. Second link.
I think I'm going to go puke a rainbow now.
Stole this from a friend on Myspace...
But I didn't want to post it there.
THE RULES
* List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
* Don't say who they are, use people only once.
* All who read this must post in their own journal.
1. Leave him. I Don't care how much you love him; He will make your life miserable. You shouldn't be afraid of someone you love.
2. I love you in a totally heterosexual way, but your homophobia keeps me from saying it.
3. Thank you for saying no. It led me to the next person.
4. I never liked you. I think you are a manipulative person and a disgrace to the Rank.
5. I think you could be really cool if you would just stop smoking pot and drinking to be cool.
6. You're an alcoholic and it makes me laugh because I hate you. I don't really have much reason I've come to learn but some things just aren't rational.
7. Every time I say your name, I mentally add the subtitle "the Slut."
8. I think you are a lonely and pathetic person who can't make friends in the real world; so you use the internet to try and find some fake form of interaction.
9. From now on every time i see you, I will see what you did. I don't care about the circumstances. I will want to systematically break your fingers, carve things into your flesh and the whole while listen to you scream and apologize and I will laugh.
10. I treat you differently because of your disability.
11. Stop being the attention whore. I want to be the attention whore.
It's one angrier.
In memory of a stupid cat.
Nine lives.
Nine years.
You showed up in our garage.
Mistaken for a piano.
We coaxed you out.
So full of energy.
Hiding in closets.
Monikers described you.
Mistakenly de-clawed.
Fighting in the jungle.
Winning more than not.
King of the table.
Or stairs.
Or chair.
Wild by birth.
Tamed by a Kat.
You frightened you senior.
Owner of two dogs.
It started with a sore.
A strange growth on your leg.
You never lost your spunk.
We called you "Lumpy."
And briefly "Oozy"
But you were too wild to be named.
You sat on the table.
Ate what was before you.
You fought till the end.
You will be missed.
You will be remembered.
The Cat With No Name
An End of the Year Post
My second year of college.
While it might be a little late I'm going to do a little pre-summer wrap up. The fall semester began with me joining the Theatre department at tech. This was a big step for me and it took me a few weeks into the semester to actually make the decision. I wanted to do it but still couldn't convince myself that it would be a good idea and turn out all right in the end. In retrospect I was the last one one to know that I was going to make the decision, My parents knew as soon as I told them that I didn't think engineering was for me. This decision was without a doubt for the best. I have had so much fun and been much happier in theatre than I was in engineering and most importantly, this is what I want to do.
This isn't to say that it's been all sunshine and daisy pops (whatever those are.) I've done some hard work and had some trouble with scheduling, but I don't remember ever really complaining. I received a thank you note from my Stage Manager after Mockingbird and one of the things she thanked me for was my patience and not complaining. I suppose i could have but I knew it wouldn't amount to anything, and I was having fun, even if i had one of the smallest parts.
I met some amazing people and even though some of them won't be coming back these are friendships that will last for quite a while. My first semester was spent almost entirely with Kels and her roommate. This had it's advantages and disadvantages. One advantage was gaining a new friend. Andy (her blog name) was at first just sort of a third wheel, but when Kels dumped me I came to realize how good a friend she is. She helped me when I was down, crazy and stuck with me when I was hurtful.
This leads to a slightly less happy subject: The Breakup. Sometime in the past Kels grew tired of me. This showed itself in a coupe ways. First she just argued with me a lot more and treated me like dirt. (yes this is biased, deal with it) Then she cheated on me. Then she dumped me and lied to me about going out with someone else. I haven't forgiven her and I don't know if I ever will. In retrospect the wort part is when she lied. I'm not a terribly trusting person and by that I mean I'm a paranoid freak. The after three years together she still lied to me hurt more than anything. Also I feel very little sympathy toward her. This is because although it may not have been easy for her, it was much worse for me. this is a matter of opinion but it's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
The breakup did have some upsides to it however. I got closer to Andy and John, who are now my best friends, even if they aren't still at Tech. John went through something similar to my breakup at the same time and we both helped each other through it. And while some bridges have burned I do now realize that things are better now, and that Kels wasn't good enough for me. I hope she's happy living in Lubbock for the rest of her life. I also went to therapy for a couple months which was fun. my therapist wasn't the best but she gave me someone to talk to and just empty myself to, once a week.
I auditioned for the spring productions and was cast in both Pillowman and Mockingbird. My parts were small but the cast of Pillowman was so great and Mockingbird was fun too. I claimed I wasn't really an actor but that may be proving false. I've also written some more. Nothing quite finished yet but some really neat new ideas.
Overall this was a good school year. I am where I need to be and doing what i need to do. I got a four point both semesters.
I also posted a video for Jonathan Coulton's song I Feel Fantastic on youtube. It's a song that helped me get through the year at the tough parts and helped me celebrate the good ones.
Say a prayer for Mr. Fancy Pants
Things that you need to do. Yes you.
Thing one: Read Fahrenheit 451
Thing two: See Hot Fuzz
I have done both of these in the past two days and I recommend the experience to everyone. It should be noted that these two things have very little if anything in common but that does not mean that you should not do them.
The first thing came about from spending three hours in the local library. My sister and mother volunteer there on Fridays. We went to lunch with Sandy and another friend, and they were going to pick me up at the library after they finished shopping. Their shopping lasted much longer than expected, and so i was at the library for a while. I picked up "Fahrenheit 451" and "And Then There Were None," and read most of Fahrenheit. I finished it later last night and it is deservedly a classic. Between chapters, I stole a little yellow pad of sticky notes and a golf pencil and wrote a short story, and a poem. I'll probably post them here later but I don't want to go get them right now.
I had a TA meeting this morning and I finally realized how little the adult staff really does. This is ok, I just need to remember to bring something worthwhile to do during the meetings. Today I mainly played UNO, and Narbacular Drop. Narbacular Drop is made by the same guys who are working on Portal for Valve and I recommend that anybody interested in a new style of game play give it a try. It's free. Google it.
Go three rounds with Archie Moore and Sugar Ray
It's so damn scary, you won't mind the pain.
P.S I just had the idea of fictional blogging. I'm sure It's been thought of before but I like the idea of a story that updates in real time. There's also some interesting possibilities with real world publishing and the connection to archives. The story could be read from last post to first. (As I do sometimes in regard to my own story) It's also possible that some of this blog is already fictional. I can tell you it's not, but now there will always be that question nagging in your mind.
I need a nickname.
Or perhaps a nome de plume. a pseudonym would accomplish the same thing but doesn't sound as fancy. This actually comes about from Phancy.com which I have read for a number of years. He always references his wife as Mrs. Phancy, and I like that. But I don't think I'm going to come up with anything good at the moment.
In other news, I have discovered why college students sleep all morning when they come home. One might think that it's due to not enough sleeping during the school year, and that students might be using that time to catch up. However this is not the case. The sleeping is because most college students have very little to do. We come home and most of our friends are elsewhere. Most of our empty days are spend doing what we do best: nothing. This also leads to another strange event Summer Jobs. Summer jobs are ways for our parents to pretend that we are still in college but come home to visit more often. Most people get a summer job for two reasons: to earn money and to stop being bored. The remedy for the second problem that I have chosen is summer school. This allows me to spend some time at home as well as not have to get a summer job. Unfortunately this leaves me with no source of income. This is a problem because I have recently started dating someone and things are going well which means I will be spending more money in the near future. Once the semester starts this won't be such a problem because I'll have a job then but i still have four weeks of summer school to pay for things in.
This post kind of wandered from the point.
I don't think there actually was a point.
Take a point called Z in the complex plane
Let Z1 be Z squared plus C
And Z2 is Z1 squared plus C
And Z3 is Z2 squared plus C and so on
If the series of Z’s should always stay
Close to Z and never trend away
That point is in the Mandelbrot Set
The more things change...
I'm home again, home again jiggety jig.
The last time I was home was Easter and the time before that was spring break. Easter I got my scarf and I don't remember much else. Spring break was my first extended time back since the breakup. I remember being unable to sleep. I remember not not having a date to look forward to when I got back. I remember Twin Arrows. I remember regaling the staff with my tales of The Little Jesus story. I have a TA meeting this Saturday. I have someone to call at night. Time is weird. Someday (not necessarily soon) I might be looking back on this post and many others as a married man. That thought really scares me. I don't know who it will be and I won't for a while, but that's OK. I'm a different person than who I will be then and I need to be the me I am right now before I can be the me I will be then. And one day I might be updating this not from my parents house (although I will when I visit,) but the one I bought with my very own debt. I already referred to Lubbock as home yesterday without meaning to, but it is where I have lived for the past two years.
Hmm according to my records i started writing this post at 4:27 pm and it's now 7:26 I've done some stuff in that time and most of it is quite boring.
When I was in 4th and 5th grade I kept a small spiral notebook in my pocket to write things down in. It it probably in a drawer in my room now. I only think of it now because there were a couple things I wanted to tell Jacie next time I talk to her but I can't remember what they were. One of them was about my new hats. I ordered two new hats but one of them is on backorder, however the other will be shipping out in the next few days. well I remembered on of them at but if I still carried the notebook I could have written it down and I wouldn't have to bother with remembering. It's funny how some information changes ones perspective on things. I could go into more detail but that would just prove my point.
When I was born I was a young boy.
Somebody shoot me I think I'm going to write poetry again.
It's been four months since I've said those words
I've yet to say them again
and yet here we are
falling
there was a moment of should
there was a moment of could?
It's been so long
I'm not even sure what it means
I'm not sure I ever did
three little words
I'm afraid of
It's different this time
of course it is
I think I might be ready
but the only way to know is try
Well hopefully that's enough to keep me from doing something like this for a while. And at least this time it didn't rhyme.
Who needs friends?
Here I sit at my keyboard,
And soak up the web's rewards.
The outside world is loud and bright,
In here I safely stay up all night.
An original poem, written right here and now. It's not my best work but I tried. I think I feel another stanza coming on...
I live my life completely wired,
But lack of sleep can make one tired.
The internet has many charms,
But none so great as another's arms.
The end.
Let's try this one more time.
The last few posts i have written have been disappointing from my point of view. Since I am the sole author of this blog i have no one to blame but myself. However The last two times I've tried to post stuff something has happened before the I finished and when I come back my train of thought is long derailed. I end up posting whatever I had written plus a little bit extra to add some form of closure, but it is sub-par in my opinion. I actually started writing this post in hopes that something would happen as did the last two times i started but I'm pretty sure one of Murphy's laws says that that is exactly what wont happen because I want it to. but then the fact that I'm expecting a certain outcome (that being nothing happening) Means that the law kicks in again and it will happen as i expect it. This continues ad nauseum until someone becomes nauseous, the universe implodes or something either happens or doesn't.
I watched Donnie Darko today and I was not disappointed. However this is because i expected it to be the lame sort of stuff where you don't know what's going on and so it must be intelligent. I told Andrea this but I think I told it to her in a rather rude way. She's been having a tough few days and has been on edge more than usual. (usual is usually very little) The thing about Donnie Darko wasn;'t that i didn't understand it, but that so little of it had a purpose. It also had a time travel paradox which bothered me more than usual. I like time travel and I like the different ways people deal with the "grandfather paradox" this movie had one but it didn't get resolved, or even acknowledged. I suppose there could be some of the whole "is he Crazy or not?" thing going on there but I'm pretty sure the ending was to definite for that to really work. Drew Barrymore was in it because she was the executive producer and since she was paying for it she got to be in it. The whole cellar door thing was annoying too. If it was said by a "famous linguist" then who was it? (research finds that it was J.R.R. Tolkien, not exactly what I would call a linguist. {sub note: The filmmaker attributes it to Edgar Allan Poe}) And why was it beautiful? And what does this have to do with the plot other than to give Drew something to do that seems important? And if ht lead wasn't crazy (as the ending implies) why was he going to a therapist and taking drugs for schizophrenia? (yes I know that in the director's cut they are placebos, but that just brings in more problems)
The two previous paragraphs put together remind me of a (in my not so humble opinion) much better movie called Primer. The movie deals with time travel, but that's not why I thought of it. The protagonists are talking about how an object in gthe stasis feild they created bounces back and forth between two points in time and if the object was intelligent it could come out at the "past" end. This bouncing back and forth thing reminds me of the Murphy's law thing in the first paragraph. only I am not "intelligent" enough to break the laws of probability in this universe. If i was a fir derring or perhaps a pookah (I don't have my Callahan's books with me, or I'd look it up) I could perhaps handle this problem. It should also be noted that at this point the bouncing has not worked in my favor, as nothing has happened, which was probably my second to last choice. However I have managed to Spend the last half hour or so distracting myself from the nothing that was happening. I might go get some food now to continue the distraction.
Happy first of May everybody!
I don't usually do these back to back like this...
But this is different enough to warrant another post.
I went to get some food and stopped off at my mailbox. Inside were three letters, one for me one for my roommate and one for a typo of my roommate's name. They hadn't been there earlier today and all looked like the same thing: a piece of paper folded thrice and sealed with a label of the recipient's name and room number. I open mine up and it's a letter informing me that one or more items that had been confiscated during Fire Safety/Room Checks. This surprised me for two reasons. The first surprise was that they can take stuff during a fire drill. Shouldn't the focus during the fire checks be getting everybody out of the building rather than getting the contraband out? The second surprise was that anything was taken at all. I don't have much of what I would deem contraband, and what I do have that might count is all still here. I think they just took something from the common room and sent the letter to both Dan and Me to make sure the owner received the letter.
And BTW Murphy is back in action. As i was writing this Jacie called. I'll get you one day Murphy, and when that day comes, you probably won't be there.
