Boom Boom, don't it suck to be crazy!
Well Spring break is winding down, and my sanity is leaving with it. the week started off with me being rejected for a date after she already said yes, saying my only two lines in Tequila Mockingbird, and trying to pack while hiding from my suite mate. On Saturday I drove to a Boy Scout Leadership training camp and stayed there until Tuesday when I left early because there was nothing for me to do. For lunch Tuesday my mother sister and I went to Panda Express, because it's awesome. Tuesday evening i went to see Ghost Rider with my dad. Good movie, but not great. Wednesday my mother, sister, and I went to Half-Price Books where I purchased Murderball and Penn and Teller's Magic and Mystery Tour DVDs. I don't remember Wednesday night, but I'm pretty sure I started writing
Vampire Jerry which made me feel good because I was writing again, but I blanked after three pages. Thursday My dad and I watched 300 on the imax. It was big but not a great movie. Friday nothing much on interest happened except going to Block buster with my dad to rent a movie, finding nothing we wanted to rent and buying Snakes on a Plane, Porky's, Fargo, and The Jerk; all for under 8 dollars. (we ended up watching Pirates of the Caribbean 2 on pay-per-view) Today we fixed the fence, went to Best Buy Buy and returned the electric razor I bought last time I came home, because I found mine at school. Kat finished knitting my scarf, but I can't have it yet because it needs to be stretched and blocked, and then shown to everybody she knows. It's alright though because I don't have much need for it until next fall. We took a few pictures of the two of us in it. It currently measures about 11 feet, but that's before being stretched and before adding the six inch tassels on either end. Tonight my dad and I watched Snakes on a Plane. It was exactly what it claimed to be but I knew that already. Then I started doing laundry.
But! I hear you cry "where is all that crazy you alluded to in the opening lines of this pose?" It's in my head, where it always is. Very rarely do my mental differences show themselves in polite company. But here's an example: I stared at my computer screen blankly for probably 20 minutes because I read the name "Pink Floyd" on a link. this may not mean much to you but to me it brought back the extreme feelings of betrayal due to a small, insignificant slight done to me, (probably unintentionally) many weeks ago. Why does something like this bother me the way it does? I must say (changing subjects slightly) that I understand how B(rest of name withheld for privacy [and they may not even be this person's actual first initial, what are you going to do now?]) feels. I know of people(s) interest in me and I can't find any polite way to turn them away so I sit in an uncomfortable limbo, hoping the problem goes away.
I'm trying to get a group of friends together to go to Scarborough right after school gets out, and I need a costume to go in and I'm thinking that with my newly finished scarf, and some trips to the thrift store I may go as the Doctor. This solves multiple problems for the people going with me. They can all come as "companions" so no matter what costume they have (if any) we can all be together in out story. By the way B (if you're reading this) you're still invited to go with us. I don't think any thing's changed between us because of what (didn't) happen, you're still a friend and the more the merrier at a faire.
I'm done for now but here's some lyrics.
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief.
For the rest of us, death
Will be a relief—
We all deserve to die!
P.S. OK so it seems like I blog when I don't have anybody else to talk to. This is interesting because I say so. I don't want to drive back to Lubbock tomorrow because nothing will have changed from when I left. Except maybe my suite mate will be clean and sober. I'm confused. Also I need a hug. But only from certain people. And those people aren't here or won't anyway because I think they hate me for some unknown reason or maybe they just don't like me very much. But I still need a hug. M(you know the name drill by now don't you?) Gave me a seemingly random hug in the greenroom one night, but I don't know her very well and I have no idea how to read it. However, I am really paranoid so I think I have at least covered all of the possible scenarios in my head. The downside of this of course is that I have no idea which one is the "Truth." sometimes I wish I could read minds, or maybe start everything over, or just stop thinking for a little while, or find someone nice to talk to, or end this chapter of my life and start the next, or something. Well that lasted much linger than was originally intended. I could just move this into the body of the post but I like the idea of a really long post script. Is anybody there? I'm so alone.
